Thoughts - 1/4 Way Through

I didn't mention much about my emotions in the last post, so read on if you would like to know. However, sometimes I think it's better to feel out the process on your own. Like I've said before, every relationship and experience is different and ours may be entirely different from what you experience. In that case, I try to tell you more about what Kev experiences from day to day while being honest about good days and bad.  I read a few of the blogs out there from time to time too and sometimes they tend to get to me. I'm always reading ahead trying to figure out what's to come. I worried too much before the academy started because of what I read, and I sometimes I worry too much now when I read about the FTO period and life as an officer. I'm always getting ahead of myself. Kev and I even had a 'code' ready for the academy incase we didn't have time to talk. A blue heart meant he wouldn't be able to talk at all that night, a red heart meant he may be able to call, and a yellow heart meant I should absolutely expect a call. Now that I look back, I think this was absolutely crazy. All that worrying and since the academy started there hasn't been a day that Kev and I haven't talked. Sometimes we have multiple calls a night, FaceTime, or talk for over an hour.  I also work at an extremely fast paced job where the work is never done and I'm striving to achieve my professional goals as well. The worrying is not for lack of somewhere to focus my mind and efforts. I am extremely business and growth oriented but there is a steep dive into the CHP culture after that acceptance letter arrives. It is an entirely world. One of honor, reward, and also sacrifice.

My recent fears are about time. My time with Kev in person is now only on weekends. I also know that at some point after the academy, Kev will be assigned night shifts and with my 7 am - 7 pm or later schedule, there will be times when we pass each other by or don't see each other at all. That being a possibility, sometimes it is tough to see the light at the end of the tunnel after the academy. Kev and I had a pretty serious talk about this last Thursday. He said one thing that really lifted my spirits, "Moments with you are worth more than a lifetime with anyone else." Kev is right. Being a CHP Officer is his dream, and Kev is the love of my life. I would rather spend every passing moment of my life with him than any other person in this world. Every second I spend in his presence is the happiest moment of my life. Being a part of the CHP family will be an honor and I know we will have even more support in the future too. I can't wait to meet wives and girlfriends who understand the lifestyle and who I will be able to confide in rather than keeping my worries bottled up or coming to Kev about something I shouldn't even be worrying about in the first place. Ultimately, I suggest not doing your own research. If the blogs make you feel good, help give you a game plan of what to buy or academy tips and tricks, then read on. However, if they feed your worries and bring up concerns you wouldn't have considered on your own, then turn away. Always remember that this is your own journey and your own relationship. Kev says some cadets go to bed early and save their shoe shining and work for the weekends when they are home with their families while others stay up all night to get it done and free up their weekend. Some spend hours studying because they do great in PT and tactical exercises, but memorization is tough for them, so they don't have time to spend on the phone because they need to study longer instead. Others may simply have a more lackadaisical relationship and don't want to spend time on the phone so they act busier than they really are. Sadly, that may be the truth too. Everyone is different. A lot of the academy stress at home for the cadet's other half is likely stress related to the unknown and adapting to time on your own. We miss our companion, but in the end we have to remember how blessed we are to be chosen for this journey. Of all the candidates. our cadets were the ones selected. As hard as it may be to give up our time with them, it is important to look past the stigma placed on the academy and life after and to just appreciate the amazing stories and once in a lifetime opportunity. Sometimes I need to remind myself of this as well, but in the end I know how fortunate we are to be here and I want more than anything for us to get to graduation day on August 12th. As much as I miss my Kev, I would never want him to come home before then. Having a positive mindset will only make everything easier for us both. He is so happy and loves the academy! It is everything he ever wanted and he does everything possible to make me feel like the luckiest girl on Earth whether he is with me or not. Our weekends together are amazing, and we have only become closer through this. Since we aren't married, we thought maybe we would drift apart with the separation but it has been entirely the opposite. The constant support we show each other and the love we share each day has made us even closer - he is now more than ever my best friend! It's important to stop worrying and missing someone who really isn't gone. Let's ace some tests, shoot some guns, and drive fast cars! It sounds a heck of a lot better than sitting in front of a computer all day.

"Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear." - Mark Twain

To my Kevvy:
Go get em' baby! I love you and I'm done getting ahead of myself. I'll always be your girl and I can't wait to start our lives together after the academy. You're my world, whether you're near or far. Moments with you are priceless.
Xo Your Mimi