I have never had such a mix of emotions like I have over these last three months and I definitely feel like the half way mark deserves it's own post. The California Highway Patrol Academy is quite a place, and your cadet's journey through it is very special. You truly learn to respect the Academy, and every officer who has graduated and earned themselves a badge. You realize that it takes a strong individual, both mentally and physically to succeed here. The same is expected from you as a partner in a relationship with your cadet, it is just as much a journey of your own. Kev and I had our own expectations of the academy when he first received his acceptance letter. A lot of things have been different than we expected, and that is because every story we read wasn't our own. I have grown to love Kev more than I ever thought possible, when I originally thought we would grow apart during this time. Instead I have watched him pursue his dream over the last three months. He has become physically and mentally stronger in so many ways. It's inspiring to watch him grow as he overcomes challenges, pushes himself, and absorbs the knowledge and lifestyle the Academy offers him. He is proud of himself and has found his place in this world. He is committing himself to a goal and believing in himself. That is the beauty of the academy. It is rare in this world to see that kind of strength and drive. To know that he belongs to you is even better.
Three months has felt like a long time. The half way mark is both an exciting milestone and a time to take a deep breathe and brace for a second round. While the strength you see in your cadet is inspiring, it also takes a lot of strength from you. Kev and I talk every day. There has not been a day since the academy started that I haven't had a night to talk with him. I love him and appreciate him for always making time for me in the midst of such a busy schedule. While I appreciate the time he makes for me, it is still limited. I can't text him or talk to him when something happens in my day until that night. Some days are manageable, while others like the day my grandma passed were hard and I felt a little alone. I have to learn to cope with life on my own and attempt to balance the stress of a hard day without interfering with Kev's focus on the Academy. Some days I am better at this than others. Kev says I get one day a month for a little break down. It can be hard constantly listening to stories about the academy during the week and then again on the weekend when people ask about it. I love hearing Kev's stories during the week and supporting him when he needs it. He has such long days and little sleep, that I love being an open ear for him to talk to and hearing all about his life at the academy. However, I can't help but want to escape it on the weekends. When we try to do normal things with friends, Kev is really tired and it's hard for him to let his mind fully escape what he has on his plate that week. I understand and most of our family understand, but friends don't fully get it. They don't understand the mental exhaustion of his life right now, how physically exhausted he is, or how focused he is and the affect it has on us both. His mind is elsewhere, and it is apparent. He looks different, acts different and thinks different but somehow manages to always be there for me however he can when I need him most. While we try to make time for friends, this may just be a summer we both give up for something much bigger and more important. It becomes more apparent that while we are together, the academy is our life right now. We just have to keep reminding ourselves that it is only a short time period of sacrifice in return for the fulfilling and rewarding career Kev has always wanted. Then our lives will be even better than before.
There is definitely a change of pace as you reach the half way mark at the academy. The attitude changes from fear of getting a gig or being yelled at with a smokey bear hat touching your forehead and spit hitting your face, to concern over workload and knowledge retention. It is a lot to accomplish in such a short time and the work has been piling on up until this point, and will continue to. It is a blend of fun and excitement, with the stress of being all you can be on a daily basis in order to succeed. There is no time for Kev to be tired or lose focus. His days are fast and calculated. Everything he does requires thought - how he walks, where he places his hands, how he addresses someone, his uniform, which shoe he put his PT towel in, the schedule of the day.. etc etc. That doesn't just turn off when he comes home for the weekend. He can dim it down to an extent, but you can tell he is home but not really. I would say month one at the academy was fear and stress accommodating to the rules, month two was excitement and getting into the flow of things, and month three was excitement and stress building. This second half of the academy we expect to continue to be exciting, fast and stressful. Scenario testing starts this week. Some scenarios Kev will only have a day or two to learn before he is tested. I believe in him and I know there is nothing he can't do. He has proven himself this far and I know we will make it.
This blog is meant to be a place to write down our story, let me sort out my thoughts, and let Kev read how I'm feeling. I actually haven't told many friends or family about it at all. It's just been for us. It has really helped me to write out how I feel along the way and listen closer to the details of his day. However, I truly hope it helps some of you reading too. The academy will make you both stronger. I look up to Kev more than ever, and feel like I chose a protective, loving, and motivated person to be my parter in life. I feel like Kev loves me more now too knowing that I am here to love and support him along the way. The hardest part of the academy for me is missing him at home. Even though Kev can feel stressed from the workload, he is making amazing friends and having the experience of a lifetime. We were even invited to another cadet's wedding. We have nick names names for different cadets he tells me about and a new kind of bond has formed between us because of the distance. We consider ourselves lucky to have this opportunity and are so excited for our future after graduation. Most nights we have some pretty good laughs but we have had nights too where I cry watching him head back there. I get anxious when I know he is testing, but it is exciting to get the call that he passed. It's a crazy mix of emotions for both of us. But every weekend that seems to fly by, we are another week closer to graduation. The last three months he has grown a lot. He is already a new man heading into the second half of the academy and I can't wait to see him tackle the new challenges that lie ahead.
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