Day 100 - 101/194

Tuesday & Wednesday, Week 15!
I can't even fathom that I am actually writing about day 100! It feels unreal! The new cadet class started on Monday and Kev said he watched how nervous they seemed and how timid they were to say hi to his class as they passed them in the halls. It must have felt like de ja vu. We both said that it feels like just yesterday that was him, nervous and unsure of what was to come. Kev is making sure to be kind to them, smile, and lead by example. Kev's first week at the academy, a senior told him to compact his water bottle in the chow hall before throwing it away - which he did and was promptly cringed at by a staff officer. Thankfully it was during orientation week when that happened so he didn't get yelled at. Kev knows the new cadets are no different than he was 3 months ago and some of them probably have a girlfriend or wife at home worried about this week and the next 6 months to come just like I was and am. In that case, I hope Kev's effort to give a friendly smile makes the difference in someone's day.

Kev had PMA practice for 4 hours on Tuesday morning, and then passed his pistol certification. His class received their riot helmets and had another lecture on use of force. Hearing that he received a riot helmet scared me a little. Another reminder of the dangers of the job and a little hard to get used to the idea hat Kev may actually have to use his gear one day. Kev and his class finally got to sit on the Senior side of the chow hall this week. We remember them pointing it out at orientation. Kev says it feels good and "the food tastes better when you sit over there." ;)

Some Tough Times & Scenario Testing -

The mood has significantly changed in Kev. These last couple of weeks have been some of the hardest so far, no doubt about it. Long days and nights, certifications, taser, gas, pepper spray, practice and testing have really began to wear him down. I could hear the exhaustion in his voice on the phone at night lately and see it on Facetime too. So, I drove up on Wednesday evening to surprise him during liberty. I even checked my texts from previous weeks to see what time Kev usually text me that he was done for the day and going out for dinner with the guys. I worked from home and made it up to the academy by 4:45 PM in order to beat traffic during rush hour. Kev isn't normally off on Wednesday around 5:30 - 6 PM, so I waited around and he finally text me at 5:30 saying he was in. I called him and told him I drove up to Sac! I knew he needed a hug this week and I was so happy to tell him I was here. He was so happy, thankful and surprised I came. He said the Sergeant wanted them to do PMA and it should only take an hour, then he would be off. I was so excited to see him! I went over to his little brother and sister in law's house to visit and see the baby while I killed time. They left to dinner and I shopped around for a bit waiting, but he didn't meet up until 8:30 PM:( He immediately vented and hugged me. My poor guy. Last night was the most stressed I have seen him. We went to dinner at Mikuni for about an hour and said our good bye so he could prepare and rest for scenario testing tomorrow. Our visit was short but I savored every second with him. It was worth it just to give him a hug and kiss and make him feel a tiny bit better. It was so hard to see him like that and I wish there was more I could do for him. I sent a letter to him on Monday but brought a little motivational one with me that I wrote for him to read before bed. Our letters and this blog are so helpful! The letters help motivate Kev, tell him how much I love him, and remind him of all the good things waiting for us when he is through. The blog releases emotions and helps us visualize how far we have come. Both keep us in sync and just a little more connected when times are tough and we can't talk as often as we wish we could. We just need to remind ourselves that this won't last forever.

In addition to PMA practice last night, they had advanced PMA testing. Kev missed two of the seven techniques and will have to remediate. Kev has been doing amazing so far, but these little losses really get to him. It is such a scary feeling to know that one more try at something can mean coming home. This is really our first time experiencing this feeling. It can be hard to keep his head above water at times, but Kev is giving everything he has got in him. We currently have two remediations to take - regular PMA test and two of the advanced PMA methods. I believe Kev has until the end of the month to retake them. It is certainly nerve wracking for us both and I know Kev is extremely stressed right now. They warned us that things can start to pile up at the academy and we are just starting to experience that now. Kev also told me that a cadet dislocated his shoulder when he was tased last week and because he wouldn't heal until July, they sent him home. That cadet will have to start all over from day 1 if he chooses to return. This really scared Kev - The thought of starting over from day one is something neither of us can imagine. We have come so far and intend to continue pushing. I believe in him and I know he will get us there. Sending all my good thoughts to Kev and his class during scenario testing this week.

I love you Kevvy! Good luck these next couple of days baby XO
"If you don't sacrifice for what you want, what you want becomes the sacrifice"- Keep pushing, I know you can do it. This time won't last forever <3

- Mimi