Day 81/194

Thursday, Week 12 - Thoughts About Last Night
We are almost through week 12 and 5 PM on Friday can't come soon enough! Kev is pushing himself and working hard every day, and I am at home trying my best to give him 100% support. It's becoming more normal to be away from him, but the academy can still be very consuming. I think about Kev most of the day and I typically can't wait for our call at the end of the day. Kev and I have talked every day since February 1st, when he started the academy. I can't thank him enough for making time to stay connected and close with me in the midst of the heavy work load, studies, stress, and time constraints. I honestly appreciate it and love him even more now for his dedication to the academy and consistent devotion to me. However, there are still days that shift in nature and I find myself to be the one who is frustrated. I didn't talk to Kev much Thursday night. We switch off who begins to tell about their day based on what's going on in our individual lives. He is a great listener and always gives me advice or just an open ear when I need it, and I try to do the same for him. Kev had a busy day on Thursday, so when we finally jumped on the phone around 9:30 PM, he was eccentric, in academy mode and tone, and had a lot to tell me about. Starting with a hectic gig line first thing in the morning and ending the night practicing basic stops while the sun was down. There is a night test on basic stops next week, so it is important that the cadets squeeze in as much practice as possible.

I completely understand that as we approach the second half of the academy, the focus and time allocation will scale. I try to be very patient and understanding that Kev will need to prioritize his time but sometimes it can be tough. While days can be jam packed, Kev is enjoying the academy. Maybe that is part of the reason I expect more - because he is out enjoying himself and I feel like the one waiting at home? Of course, I would rather my boyfriend is happy at his job every day than dreading it but the inconsistency of time allotted to each other is what I find myself struggling to acclimate to. I begin to habituate to a schedule, and one night it suddenly changes. That can be tough to get used to. I realize this is something that will continue when Kev becomes an officer and shifts change or the unexpected happens and he is back up for a few more hours of his shift when I expected him home. It is something I know I will have to get used to. It will just take time.

We didn't talk long last night because I was quick to get off the phone. He was still hyped up and wasn't talking to me like his girlfriend, more like another cadet. Kev is very loving and has remained that way throughout the academy. He hasn't changed. However, he can't figure out how to turn the academy/job on and off yet. That is something I really wish he could do for me. Sometimes, at the end of the day I just miss our normalcy. Our innocent stories and chats about nothing. Those little conversations can be the ones that lead us to get to know each other a little deeper. When you are apart, your stories tend to only be about your day - my day at work and Kev's day at the academy. It's about A to Z, sunrise to sundown. It can be very draining at times. It's certainly something I need to work on myself too. Of course I don't think you shouldn't keep things bottled up, but I think it's important to keep the conversation natural more often than not - like we normally would when we were together all the time. I love and appreciate that Kev always fills me in on his day, schedule, and academy life and I wouldn't want it any other way. We just need a 'switch' though. A 'switch' to turn it off and find a sense of calm at the end of the day. We have only been introduced to the LE life for about 3 months, so it goes to show that there is a lot to learn at home, outside of the academy as well. The academy will guide you to success in your career, but it is up to both of us to find the key to success as a couple in this crazy, new, life of ours. We just have to work together.

- Mimi