Sometimes, I remember he's a cop.

I typically try to shed light on the positive and to not be another attribution to the worry and stress that trails the badge. That's the truth too, it certainly isn't a detrimental experience from what little we know of it. If anything, life is better now than ever.

I always tell Kev, "sometimes I forget you're a cop, it doesn't feel like you are." As if it should feel like something? I never see him in his uniform, and I see him now more than ever. The only real difference in my life is a gun in the home and a few tan CHP shirts and pants hanging in the closet. The same uniforms that Kev and his roommates would sneak pics of to their girls when they were cadets and finally able to try them on for a fitting. Now they are hanging in our closet, but it still doesn't feel like he's a cop.

Sometimes I'm reminded though. Kev kissed me goodbye and left the house for work this morning around 3 AM. I slept for a couple more hours before turning on the news and getting ready for work. I watch the news religiously and I'm pretty well aware of national events, including those involving the police. Watching the news used to be a relaxing, habitual way to wake up but these days I absorb it a little differently and perhaps more personally now. I sent Kev a text and told him I love him and to be safe today. I also asked him to send me a quick text at some point during his shift today, just so I know he is okay. I guess I always expected to date and marry a business man. Someone in a suit, safe behind the screen of their Macbook and city view from a few stories up. I sure found the perfect man, but he wears duty boots, a bullet proof vest and a badge. I'm glad he keeps the riot helmet in his locker at work, because looking at that can make your stomach sink a little. It's after 3 PM now and I still haven't heard from him yet today.

Sometimes I guess I do know what it feels like. Sometimes, I remember he's a cop.

- Mimi