My first lesson is about immediately referencing what I have read about cops and applying it to my cop - directly correlating blogs to Academy life and cop books to your new home life. If you're doing your own reading to prepare yourself along the way, hang on to the applicable and store the other knowledge for a rainy day, because that rainy day isn't necessarily today. I've noticed as I've done my own reading and research to be the best support system my Chippy can possibly have, that sometimes I'll refer to my reading as the only possible reasoning to the moment we are experiencing. It took me a little time to realize what I was doing but eventually I took notice. I would literally pause my mind in that moment and reference a book or article I read about cops, rather than everything I've gathered through personal experience with my boyfriend and best-friend. I have to remember that I already know him as a person, I just don't know his job. Rather than completely setting aside the ways I've learned to interact with him, reason with him and love him in the unique ways that work for us, I had been solely alluding to points in books or articles in an effort to reach a resolve.
I certainly believe that reading books about being in a relationship with a cop and the emotional and mental changes they endure through the life cycle of their career has been beneficial to my understanding of this lifestyle and our future. I also believe it helps protect us from the cynical attitude that cops are considered destined to develop, because we might notice potentially detrimental changes before they have the opportunity to evolve further. However, I also think it's important to find balance and to mesh what you know about him as an individual with what you are learning about him as a cop. For example, the other day Kev was laying on the bed while I was getting ready. We had the television on and I was chatting to him for a bit when I inadvertently slipped in a question. No response. Are you freakin' kidding me? Because, according to chapter 3, page 38 of the book I'm reading he is clearly detached, only thinking about work and entirely tuning me out. He no longer cares about my average life as an accountant, my cat, or that I'm getting a root touch up and high-lights two Wednesdays from today.
Stop.
He cares. But, I love to talk! Am I just talking out loud to my best friend in the room or do I genuinely care about the conversation? I'll be the first to admit, sometimes I just chit chat with Kev about nothing. Just because I throw in a question every once in a while and he doesn't respond, doesn't mean he doesn't listen to me or care. He knows every aspect of my job, the name of everyone I work with, all my friends, he listens when I'm mad and knows just what to say when I'm upset. He knows the way I like my coffee and tells me I'm beautiful even when I'm in sweat pants, no makeup and my hair is up in a messy bun. I'm everything to him. It's not that he can't relate to me, doesn't care or doesn't want to be there. Maybe he is just tired and recognized that it wasn't a serious conversation. Pick your battles and don't be so quick to blame the job. Instead of getting mad, I jumped on Kev in bed and playfully told him to pay attention to me. He sat up, listened and pulled me in for kisses. Instead of addressing a chapter, try to address your man based on what you know about him. Use the books as a reference for a rainy day, but remember that it doesn't rain all year.
-Mimi
-Mimi
No comments:
Post a Comment