Composure & Dignity of Manner

I take BART mass transit everyday to work in San Francisco and I thought that was a true test of patience. Then, I discovered life with a LEO.

I've always really liked the police. The profession is exciting and it's one we all grow up knowing. When you ask a child, "what do you want to be when you grow up?" Coupled with the response of "a firefighter, a doctor, a pilot," you will likely also hear "a police officer." At least, that's what I remember.

Social media. Not all of our friends and acquaintances know what Kev does for a living. Sometimes a mindless scroll can turn pretty frustrating and disappointing, but we know it isn't worth our breathe. I've certainly voluntarily and silently deleted a few friends but never openly countered their contrasting opinions. Our new favorite word this week is "poise" - composure and dignity of manner.

After graduating, Kev bought me one of the CHP necklaces with his badge number on it. It's beautiful and means so much to me because I know how hard he worked for his badge. He says it's my little badge I earned for staying by his side and supporting him. I love it, but a couple days later I went out and bought a longer chain for it. I showed him and told him that if I plan to wear it every day, it might be better if I'm able to tuck it occasionally. He agreed and has reminded me a few times to tuck it in when I leave the house. I'm by no means ashamed and wear it proudly everyday. It breaks my heart to ever have to hide something that we are both so proud of. Sometimes it just isn't worth the attention though.

Kev and I also attended a wedding this weekend. We had a great time celebrating the marriage of one of my oldest friends and her now, husband. A few of the girls at the wedding knew about Kev and congratulated him on graduating the Academy. Some of them also have family in Law Enforcement so they could truly appreciate the accomplishment. Kev gets so excited to share his story with close friends who value the noble role of an officer. He was proud to share with them some of his story before we all made it out to the dance floor for the rest of the night. We had such a fun night! At the end of the evening, we loaded onto the shuttle bus to head back home. The bus was full and there were a few boisterous people on board, typical at the end of a wedding. We were tired, resting our eyes, but listening to everyone laugh and talk about what a great evening we all had. Then the mood shifted when people decided to sing on the microphone and eventually someone suggested the Pledge of Allegiance. Of course, due to recent events this brought a plethora of political banter amongst a few people in the group. Then someone yelled, "fuck the police".  I looked over at Kev and his eyes were still closed but I knew we both heard it. We had actually met that guy earlier in the night. We didn't share Kev's occupation with him but chatted about our mutual relationship with the bride. Deep inside I wanted so badly to say something. Not to curse back at him but to tell him about our story, our journey, our life, and who we are as people. Everything he doesn't understand when he says that. To tell him about when we first heard that Officer Nathan Taylor died on duty - the first time I heard of an officer passing while Kev was training to become one. Or that the first week Kev got to wear his badge, he came home with a black ribbon on it because an officer was shot on duty. Or tell him to read my blog, or the other blogs out there of people who kiss their loved ones good bye each day so that they can be peace keepers and allow the rest of us to sleep soundly at night. Or the blogs of those who already gave their last kiss. I was angry and frustrated, but I was also sad that Kev had to hear it. I can only imagine what it's like to work so hard for something and have to keep it a secret or endure shaming for it.  We sat in our seats on the bus quietly until we got home. We didn't talk about it, we didn't have to.

There is no perfect group of people in the world. No culture, religion, ethnic background, or profession is made up of entirely virtuous, ethical, exemplary individuals. We can't assume that the thoughts, actions, or beliefs of one individual are promulgated amongst the entire group. Continued evolution of peace, unity, and strength as a nation depends on our ability to learn and grow from a specific incident and to address the actions of the individual rather than draw an encompassing conclusion about a specific group based on that person's controversial actions. Ultimately, we need the police. It isn't an occupation for the faint-hearted, but continued degradation won't rectify anything. I don't know the answer, but history has taught us that hate isn't it.

- Mimi